Searching for love...

Are women even allowed to do this? Well, women can, but what about Christian women? We're always taught and told that the men should seek us out, but I dispelled that myth in the previous blog. But what does that mean for women that desire love and companionship?

I find it interesting that we're told to chase our dreams. Go after the career. Start the business. Get the car. Take the dream vacation. We're encouraged to pursue every single thing that we want, except love. Christian women are repeatedly told to focus on God and wait for the man to come to them. Hmmmm. Let's explore this logic.

So I wholeheartedly believe that 2 scriptures summarize things up for us. 1 Corinthians 7:8: "So I say to those who aren't married and to widows - it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am." NLT Paul was on to something when he gave this instruction. I see and hear that many desire love and marriage for the wrong reasons. I see it every day with single women I coach and interact with. Many don't have a clue about what marriage entails. Once, I was just as ignorant. I wanted marriage for reasons that weren't biblical and I was unaware of what the purpose was, along with the roles of a wife. I took time to learn about marriage. I studied His Word to see why He created it and what it necessitates. And I realized I wasn't ready. I took time to heal, focus on myself, raise my kids, fulfill my purpose and calling, and serve others. Now, I can say that I am ready. I'm ready because I have a calling to be a helpmate while expanding the kingdom of God. I possess emotional, psychological, and spiritual strengths to provide a husband. I am willing, ready and able to cover him in prayer and support him. I am ready and prepared to be a friend, helpmate, and prayer warrior. I believe that 2 get a better return on their work than one. Finally, I am ready.

Though I am ready, and though I desire it, I hold on to the 2nd scripture that summarizes where we should be. Matthew 6:33: "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." KJV I know that when we're seeking Him first and when we're about His business, He's about ours. I ensure that He's at the top of my thoughts, actions, and prayers. I want to glorify Him in any and every way possible. I want Him more than I want anything else. And you should also.

As you seek Him and yearn for Him, you grow in Him. And as you grow, you become more aware of His ways and desires. And eventually you seek to align your desires with His will and plan. It becomes a beautiful thing indeed. So what does this mean in reference to searching for love?

For a woman that loves herself and loves God, knows herself and knows God, is walking in her purpose, is healed, healthy, whole, and content being single in this season, I don't see anything wrong with desiring love and a husband. Yes, I said one who is "content being single." Did you know that you can be content being single, yet you still desire companionship? Contentment means you're not desperate or feeling incomplete without a partner. Contentment is being OK with where you are, but not feeling the need to stay there forever. It's knowing that more is out there for you eventually. The issue is that many feel less than, unloved, and unworthy because they're single. There are many that feel as if they are incomplete without a mate and that something must be wrong with them. This is NOT the signs of someone that is ready for a healthy relationship. This is a person who needs, wants and desires that a man enter into their lives to handle what they didn't allow God, Himself, to do. And that's a problem.

Wanting love and companionship is not problematic. Going on dates isn't a bad thing. Online dating shouldn't be forbidden. If you know you are ready for the next step, and if you are aware of the roles of a wife, proceed! A woman who is walking with God cannot be led astray by counterfeits. A woman who is healed is not searching for a man to fix her. A woman who is content will not place her happiness in the hands of a man. In the book of James, it speaks of faith without works being dead. We pray for a job, but we don't wait for one to fall from the sky. We have faith that we will be healed, but (typically) we don't neglect to take medications. We have faith that doors will open, but we don't fail to knock. So why are we not allowed to have faith that we will be joined with someone else, but yet fail to take steps?

All I'm saying is this. Find God, find yourself, and then be open to finding him. There's a way a female can date and make herself available without putting too much time, focus, and effort into it. There's a way a woman can be open to a relationship without dying because of a lack of it. The biggest key to wanting to be a wife is being aware of the duties that go along with it. You can't just want the title. You must be willing to fulfill the role. Because there's a difference between a relationship and a marriage. One is covenant. It's forever. And it's not to be taken lightly. And it's remembering that love is a choice. It's something that you're wanting to do, not possess. Are you ready to love?

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