I read a post that said, “A woman who believes she’s better off without a man, has never met a man. A real man that is.” This is something I agree with to a certain extent.
The Bible says that it’s not good for man to be alone. God created many things, and each time He declared it good. But in Genesis 2:18, "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Well, this speaks volumes for a few reasons.
One, Adam needed Eve. This takes us back to remembering that women are created to be the helper for men. We think we need them, and we've let society deem us worthless, damaged, crazy, or troubled if we don't yet have a man. And sadly, some women believe that, unfortunately. There are women that think something must be wrong because no one has stepped up to make them a wife yet. If women return to the basics and keep in mind that men need us, and it's not the other way around, we may begin to see things a bit differently.
We must understand that we’re created for relationships. No, everyone is not going to get married. I get that. But when we proudly declare “I don’t need a man” we are in fact planting a seed. And it sprouts even when we do find ourselves in relationships and eventually marriages. Imagine the conflict and turmoil that comes from that. You’re not to do life alone. It’s why many of you are bitter, tired, and worn: doing it all alone. You can survive without a man, sure. You don’t need one in the sense of desperation, no. But there are things you’re carrying that were never meant for you to carry…
We have mothers and grandmothers that grew up when Rosie the Riveter became a cultural icon. Even now, we're in a slightly feministic time when we want it to be known that we deserve equal rights, equal pay, we're just as amazing as men, and that we don’t need a man. Yes you do. But your hurt and pain have you afraid to admit that it’s a strong desire. Please remember that we were not called to do things alone as women. Again, hence the bad attitudes some women possess.
The bible speaks of women being the "weaker vessel" in 1 Peter 3:7. English Standard Version reads, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." Something to be noted is that husbands are to be the head. And 1 Timothy 2:14 reminding us that the woman was deceived must be considered. Women are subject to their husbands (1 Peter 3:1) and therefore weaker, though this doesn't denote physical strength. Men must understand they are to treat their wife with understanding, tenderness, and patience. Women have serious roles and add much value. To everything. We're the backbone to families and so much more. We're vital. We are needed. Yet we allow singleness and rejection sensitivity to make us feel as if we're not good enough and that no one wants us. Not true. Not true at all. We are NEEDED. And when a man comes along and sees your value, he will be wise and commit to honoring you for the rest of his life. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't make you any less valuable. It doesn't mean you're less than Susie up the street who's been married for years. It doesn't mean you're not as good as your friend that's been proposed to many times. It doesn't mean you're invaluable, period! Be sure that you're aware of your value if you're truly expecting someone else to take notice of it.
We, as (single) women, must stop with the negative mentality that goes against God's desire. Go back to verse 18 in Genesis 2. We're created for relationships, and it's not good for us to be alone. Do you need a man to validate you? Absolutely not! Are you less than because you're single? Of course not! Is something wrong with you because you're still using family as your emergency contact? Not at all (and you're not the only one that does this)! There's a big difference between desire, need, and desperate for/miserable without. But... if your attitude is that you don't need a man because you're an independent woman that's fine alone, there may be a slight problem. And you may find yourself being single a bit longer than you desire and anticipated. Because God can't bless who you pretend to be. He won't connect you with who you profess to not need.
Here's the thing. Men are created to be providers and protectors. They have a job to do. But yes, they still need help. And that's where you come in to play. However, if you're making sure that every man knows you're single and proud and that you don't need a man for anything, why would he desire to make you a wife?
Men need to know they are wanted and needed. It's said that the size of a woman's heart is equivalent to the size of a man's ego. And I believe this. A man of a certain caliber wants to fulfill his role, job, and responsibility. Now, you do not have to play the damsel in distress. No ma'am. You don't have to dumb down your strengths, resume', qualities, etc. And being independent isn't necessarily a bad thing. For now. Do what you must to hold it all down in this season because you have no choice. But eventually you have to open yourself up to the idea that a man will absolutely back away from a woman that makes it known she's good by herself. He doesn't want to fight and attempt to break down walls with someone who's made her stance clear. You're showing him that he has no role to fulfill in your life. He sees that you don't need him, and for a certain kind of man, that's scary.
It's easy for us to profess that only weak men get intimidated by strong, independent women. Maybe. Maybe not. I do believe, however, that boys get scared and are intimidated by women of a particular class. But a secure man just doesn't find a women with a certain mentality worth the fight. Honestly, I don't blame him. If he knows what he brings to the table, what he offers to a women, and what kind of marriage he's desiring, why would he want to prove these things to a stubborn woman when there are plenty others that will appreciate him? Food for thought. This is why I created TSI, the 12 month self-paced program to help women dig deep and evolve in this season.
All I'm saying is to remember that you are the answer to someone's prayer. You are the missing puzzle piece to a man's life. You are needed. And there's nothing wrong with any of these things. Once you realize, remember, and embed in your head and heart that you are needed, I think you'll walk a bit differently. You'll smile a bit harder. You'll become immovable, unstoppable, and you'll learn to appreciate your temporary season of being single. Because someone out there is searching for you. The question is: how are you going to treat him when you come across him? Are you going to remind him that you want him and that you don't need him? Or... are you going to smile and simply state, "I knew you'd find me. I've been waiting for you..."?
Knowing me, I'll probably throw in something sarcastic like, "you need me, don't you?"