Dating. Blah! It can be draining, frustrating, and tiring. We sometimes want to meet someone so bad that much time and effort goes into it. Many of us jump from relationship to relationship without much time in between. Perhaps if we took time to ourselves, we'd realize why none of these relationships were working out.
After a relationship ended last year, I realized... I NEEDED A BREAK! No dating, no men, no relationships. And that's what I did. I deleted my online dating profile and I politely said "no" any time a man asked for my phone number or to take me out. I needed time for me. Well, honestly, my heart got broken. And I needed time with GOD! That pain pushed me into His loving arms, where I belonged. Interestingly, during that time of dating this man, I knew I was falling hard for him. It felt so good, and I knew I would be floored if it didn't work out. So I actually vowed that if it didn't, I would focus on Jesus being the only man in my life. You won, Jesus. You won.
This past year has been a well deserved, much needed time out. I will admit. I was a woman that was desperately waiting. Those that have read my book, Debunking the Fairy-tale of Boaz, know exactly what I'm talking about (click on Shop to order if interested). But I was claiming I was hidden and waiting on my husband, yet thinking every man I encountered could possibly be "the one". I was NOT content being single at all. And that's a problem. Funny, it's a problem many women have.
There's nothing wrong with desiring companionship or a husband. It's a problem, though, when you're so unhappy being single. It's a problem when your main focus is meeting someone for the sake of changing your relationship status. And when we jump from man to man, relationship to relationship, and even bed to bed, we miss the mark. We continue to fail. We miss the break.
This past year has been enlightening, do you hear me?! I've re-evaluated every man I dated, wanted, desired, loved, lusted after, and had sex with. I was definitely displeased. So then I had to look at what it was I liked about them and what made me have sex with some of them. It was eye-opening, yes. But it was also heartbreaking. In that moment, I realized how broken I was. I was in need of healing, peace, and restoration. Many decisions I made were because I was wanting one thing and one thing only: love.
I don't know if you can relate. I know many can, if they're honest. But I wanted love and attention so bad, so I was settling for the scraps of men's attention to get temporary satisfaction. I could meet someone and start fantasizing what a relationship with them would be like. As time went on, I would realize they weren't quite what I had envisioned. So I would shift and re-shape my fantasy a bit. Things I said I wouldn't settle for or endure, I did it. #desperatelywaiting
Many decisions I made were because I was wanting one thing and one thing only: love.
Sometimes going down memory lane is hard. Very hard. But it's often necessary to go back to get insight as to where you are, and what's getting in the way of you getting where you want to be. This break has taught me so much about what I want and don't want (mainly what I don't want). And it's revealed so much to me about myself. I realized the kind of female I was in relationships. I looked carefully at my flaws and issues. I looked at how I was in no way, shape, or form ready to be a wife.
I needed this break. Because now I know that I'm healed, whole, and ready. I know what I won't accept. I see why those past relationships didn't work. I had to forgive many men, but honestly, I had to forgive myself. I should have never been with many of them. And then there were some situations that I had to accept the fact that it was me that ruined what we had in some way.
Where's your focus? Where's your contentment level? Are you in need of a break? A little time to date and learn about yourself is a blessing. It's great for you, and it's also great for him. Whomever he may be...