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How will I know if he's "the one"?

You meet a great guy and things seem to just... click. Is it possible? Could he be the one? Is this who God had for you? Maybe. Maybe not. There's a strong possibility, because of one thing: there's no such thing as "the one."



There's a myth and I don't know where it began. But it states that there's one person that was specifically created for every person in the world. That there's a lid that only fits one pot. No matter what. I used to believe this, though I laugh at it now. Here's the thing. In case you haven't realized it, humans aren't that smart. We tend to mess things up. A lot. We often do things out of order, making mistakes and entering into relationships that God never approved of. Do we really believe that He would trust us to get covenant right with billions of people in the world?


If you believe this, kudos to you. My goal is not to change your mind, but to open it. I believe there are many relationships that could have blossomed into beautiful things but "something was missing." That person didn't send something off on the other person's radar. Unfortunately, many of us have been told by an older member in our family that we'll just "know." Something will click and tell us that it's who we've been waiting on all along. We won't have to question it at all.


I've felt this way before. A few times. It was something about him/them that felt good. But each time he turned out to be a nightmare. And I learned that the faster my heart races, the harder the fall.


If we go through life believing in and waiting for that one perfect person, we'll potentially miss out on a great man. Or great men. Yes, I said men. Because I do not believe for one moment that there is one person created just for us. I just don't. Again, we're humans and we'll mess things up in an instant. We often go based off emotions. We sometimes hear incorrectly or hear what we want to hear. We listen to others. We make faith moves out of desperation. I know for a fact that there are men from my past that I could have been happy with. But because I thought something was missing, or they didn't check something off a box, I bypassed or dismissed them. I figured they couldn't possibly be it. But where I am in my life now, I know I could have been happy with them. No doubt about it.


I'm thankful to know that not only does His love cover a multitude of sins, but it also covers missed opportunities and mistakes. So whatever we lost wasn't the best He had in store. The same way another job, deal, auto loan, offer on a house, etc can come back around, it's the same with a partner.


I wholeheartedly believe there are many people that we can enter into a relationship and then marriage with and be happy. That God will be there in the midst. It's all about whether or not we do things His way. God is trying to grow us up. He wants us mature, using wisdom, seeking discernment. He'll allow us to cross paths with and encounter people to see how we're going to respond. We've somehow come to believe that we'll meet someone and hear that voice whispering, "that's him/her" and that's not the case. Has that happened for some? According to them, yes. But the way He blesses one won't necessarily be the way He blesses another. The way He does it for one won't be how He does it for another.


Keep your mind open to countless possibilities. Remove Him from the box that you've placed Him in. He's trying to bless you, but perhaps your controlling nature is getting in the way of that. Every Saturday I do a segment on FaceBook and YouTube called the Sassy Saturday Special where I give my thoughts on different topics in the dating world. And today's message was about preferences, standards, and potential. Check it out if you haven't already.


When you meet someone, examine their fruits. Pray over the reason behind you crossing paths with him. Ask God to reveal His purpose. Get to know the person for who they are, truly. See if this is someone you can truly spend the rest of your life with. I've been chastised for viewing potential men from the standpoint of business partner, as well. Marriage is a ministry, first and foremost. But next, I'm looking at it from the business standpoint. I need to know this is someone I can work well with. Will he have my back? Can I support his beliefs? Does he support mine? Do we have the same morals and values? Are we on the same page with raising kids? Finances. Where do we stand on that? This is a business.


You know what things matter to you. You know what you offer and bring to the table. Each time you meet someone, examine their status and stance. See if they fit with where you are. See if you can imagine them in your future. Pray about it all. And if all signs point to yes, proceed. Don't assume you're settling because no butterflies exist. Even butterflies need time to evolve.