Not checkmate, but helpmate! Shout it out! Because I need women around the world that are already wives or are desiring to be wives to understand this. We have an important role that many are neglecting, abandoning, or downright ignorant of (sorry not sorry). And through His power and spirit, I have to enlighten His daughters (as instructed).
I was once in a place of wanting a husband desperately. And for all the wrong reasons. I was sick of being alone, I wanted to travel with someone, I wanted help raising my marvelous, delightful children (voice dripping with sarcasm), I was sick of doing it alone financially, and I wanted to have sex without feeling guilty. Just being honest. Do any of these things sound familiar? Because these are the answers that many women provide as to why they want to get married or as to why they got married. Let me add that while studies reflect the leading cause of divorce is still financial matters, I believe the number one cause of all divorces is spiritual immaturity. It's 2 people joined together that lacked wisdom, insight, discernment, guidance, and prayers before entering into a covenant that is to be forever. And a large part of that boils down to women.
Yes, I said it.
We often want marriage for reasons that go against why it was initially created. We're broken and alone, wanting someone to love us and fix us. The things we didn't take the time to allow God to do. And with that, we put men above God, thinking they can do it better, able to do what He couldn't. And it's not that He couldn't or wouldn't; we know that's a lie from the pits of hell. It's that we didn't allow Him to. We take matters into our own hands and then run to Him when it doesn't work out. Well duh! He never sent us that way. The number one reason that women today still desire marriage is companionship.
But here's the crazy thing. The number one reason that men get married is that it allows them to show their love in a way that nothing else can. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Well look at that. The men are doing something right! And while the Word says it is not good for men to be alone, women are still missing the mark as to why marriage should be done.
Let's explore this.
So in Genesis 2, we see that Adam had dominion over everything. Everything. The only thing he was missing was a helper and companion. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Genesis 2:18 And out of all the things God created, none of those helpers were suitable. But then... "Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man." Genesis 2:22
God said He, Himself, was a helper (ezer in Hebrew). Then He created the woman to be the helper to the man. As a helpmate, she became his partner spiritually in the overwhelming task of obedience to God and dominion over the earth. No one can uplift, inspire, and encourage a man the way the woman can. And God designed us to bring him comfort and fellowship. And help. Verse 20 speaks of a "suitable helper". In Hebrew, this is kenegdo which means "corresponding to what is in front of him". While man was created first, woman is not an afterthought. Because after creating man, God still found it not good for man to be alone; man needed the woman.
Today, there's a slight disconnect when it comes to what women expect from men. Some settle with no standards, morals, values, etc because they're claiming to be "hidden and waiting on God" but they're truly desperately waiting, sizing up each man they cross paths with as a potential husband. I did a whole chapter on this in my book Debunking the Fairy-tale of Boaz. But for the other women, they're walking with God yet waiting on this perfect man to come along who has it all together and checks everything off their list. They're expecting the man to be all the way in sync with God 100 percent, and that this man should lead them to God, know the Bible frontwards and backwards, and he should be waiting on this wonderful woman to come around so he can do nothing but wine her, dine her, and teach her about God. Who comes up with this stuff? And why doesn't my Bible state these things? Why does my Bible show me countless examples of a man being lost and/or on the verge of making a bad decision but if not for his spiritually grounded wife? Some also had a great wife, and still made bad decisions. Look at Sarah, the wife of Abraham. Or Mary, the (eventual) wife of Joseph. Or Abigail, the wife of Nabal. Their husbands weren't the most... husband-like. And poor Adam. When Satan tempted them with the fruit, Adam was sure to throw his wife under the bus once questioned by God. So much for protector.
What does this have to do with anything? I'll tell you. Women need to chill. We need to evaluate and reevaluate our reasons for wanting to get married and what kind of husband we're waiting for. Because he may not exist. There is no perfect man except Christ. And He's married to the church. But there is absolutely a man perfect for you. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man that is established and on a firm foundation. But know that there's something missing and incomplete: you. Your presence is missing. And he will need you. There is something that only you can do for him. There's something that only you can add to his life. He should know God and have a relationship with Him, yes. But you are to be the one to help him spiritually. Can you help him? Can you pray for him and keep him covered? Can you guide him at times he may need you to? Will you have his back? Can you teach him? Because if you can do these things for him, I promise you that you will be loved in a way that you never experienced before.
Your job is not to upgrade him and help him become established as a man. But you are to encourage him and uplift him. You're to hold him accountable to Christ. You're to submit to him, love him, and respect him. Do your part, keep God first, and watch God do everything else.