Getting over a broken heart

Updated: Dec 17, 2019

So you thought he was "the one." You were mapping out the future, glad that all the days of dating and second guessing were a done deal. You had kids' names picked out, and imagined the cute things you all would do together. He understood you. In a way that no one else did. The way he laughed at your corny jokes. The way he kissed you and looked into your eyes. The way he listened intently to your passions, dreams, and goals. Magical. So how did the rug get slipped from underneath you? Why is it over, and why are you single? Again?!

Things were going good, and then game over. Why did this happen? What to do now?

Sis, it happens. Many of us have experienced it, if we're honest. We go through the "why's" and "how did this happen"? We retrace it in our heads over and over and over again, trying to figure out what went wrong. What did we miss? Was there a sign that was bypassed and overlooked? Maybe.

What I do know is that when you are a daughter of the King, He won't let anyone play over you but for so long. If we ever decide to fess up, we saw the signs all along. There were red flags and warning bells, but we decided to ignore them for the sake of love. We felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit but chalked it up to self-imposed doubt. Help me understand something: if you trust God, know that His ways are higher and His thoughts are higher, if you pray to Him and believe He truly wants what's best for you, then how is it that you could ever doubt He'd lead you astray with the one thing we're instructed to guard? Proverbs 4:23 is important for single Christian women. It says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." When our hearts are left unguarded, anyone has access. We encounter and entertain men that don't cherish it. It leaves us bruised, broken, and bitter. We take that into the next relationship, situationship, or datingship. Whichever ship we decide to set sail on. Our actions flow from this place of bitterness, because love is action after all. Our actions reflect the condition of our hearts. That's why we're told to guard it. Healthy hearts prevent us from entertaining men that will only break us...

So the last relationship ended. Pick up the pieces and move on. I don't say it to sound harsh, because I've been there. It sucks and it hurts. But when it was all said and done, I took time to reflect. I did a self-evaluation, first. I had to realize it was something inside of me that needed tending to. He was who he was. What was it about me that tolerated it? What was it about me that wanted him? That's when true healing began.

I think it's easier to be upset with the man because we have someone to blame. God forbid we have to hold ourselves accountable. Then we have to face why we dated them, planned a future with them, put our lives on hold for them, etc. Who wants to do that??

A few ways to get over a heartbreak:

1. Cry. Cry it out. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and come face to face with your feelings. Pretending the hurt doesn't faze you won't cause the pain to go away. Cry as much as you need. Then pick up the pieces and dry your face.

2. Heal. There's this stupid saying that says the best way to get over one man is by getting underneath another. So aside from the fornication part of it, this is WRONG on many levels. This is no time for rebound and pacifying. Heal the areas that are bleeding so no one else has to keep wiping your blood off of them. The next guy shouldn't have to be in a physical relationship with you and an emotional one with your ex.

3. Forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive him. Bitterness is the correct term for unforgiveness. And Ephesians 4:31 gives a clear instruction: "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."

4. Draw nearer to God. This is the time to take all your emotions to God. The hurt, pain, questions, anger, frustrations, etc. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). How comforting is this?! The way I could literally feel His arms wrapped around me after having my heart crushed was like something I never encountered before.

5. Live. Don't stop living because he's out the picture. Enjoy life. Get back on the scene. Go out with friends. Have fun!

6. Laugh. Laughter is medicine for the soul. Laugh at corny jokes. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with others. If it helps, laugh at the fact that you ever lied and pretended to like his jokes and bad breath anyway.

7. Love! Don't stop loving because one person didn't return the favor. You know God, and God is love. Never stop loving!

Don't forget the promise found in Psalm 34:18. I actually recommend reading the entire chapter in a season such as this. Know that this isn't the end. That's the most important thing. Via my coaching business, I did a crash course to help women overcome a broken heart. Check it out here. Don't seek revenge, and do NOT seek comfort in the arms of another man. We're not playing those games. Get healed before you re-emerge.

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