Yes, exactly what I said. Dating while Christian. Can we talk about it? Can we talk about dating in the 21st century in general? It's something that gives many people pause, and I see why.
For starters, not everyone seems to be clear on what dating is. I've explained it before, and I'll gladly do so again. Dating is a matter of 2 people going on dates, getting to know each other. Doesn't mean they're exclusive. Doesn't mean there's necessarily, nor should there be, an expectation of loyalty. Because truth be told, there is no commitment. Loyalty doesn't exist without commitment anyhow. So there's that. There are steps and stages that should be, and have now been, included and introduced to dating that are necessary because of the times that we're currently in.
So, with New Thing Life Coaching, I'm thee self-proclaimed New Love Strategist. I'm all about helping single women win at love. But not just love with a man; I help ladies dwell in God's love, develop self-love, and discover lasting love. And I say love strategist because it seems as if people fail to see the beauty of love. There's an aspect of love that has been lost over the years. Even like a lost art. So I help with formulation and implementation when it comes to the "strategy" of love. I come across men and women that want love, but lack it. They barely love themselves, and are often unaware as to what love even is. Some try to give it away quickly in hopes they'll be picked or chosen because the critical self-love development was bypassed. Our generation cancels and cuts like it's nothing, but professes to want love. We declare that we want unconditional love but our love has conditions, so how are we ready? There are no standards, no respect, and no boundaries. How sway? I love helping in this stage because we have to attack failed marriages from the back-end. The key is to know your "why" and choose wisely in the dating stages. Simple. We act as if there are new rules but there aren't. However, and here's the big one... we must be willing to change with the times.
Now, in the Bible, there was no dating nor courting, though some say differently. Back then, man meets woman and just takes her as his wife. That was that. That's obviously not where we are today. So it's interesting that we're willing to evolve in other areas but not dating. We upgrade our cell phones, get new cars, update software, buy all new things, but we bash dating today. One of the biggest issues is not compromising, being selfish, and trying to be deeply spiritual in a poor attempt to spiritualize dating. Our hopes are that if we go super deep, God will reward our efforts and bring us someone amazing. There are countless scriptures on marriage, but none on dating. Let's be clear on that.
Listen, I come for women. A lot! Some say that I can be a bit blunt. But it's because we're so powerful! Jesus appealed to women often. He showed time and time again how special we are. So it's time for us to wise up and take back our power. Turn down the WIIFM radio! Sorry, that's What's In It For Me? Because your average woman is automatically making dating all about what a man must do for her and then trying to add Bible to it. We, as a species, must rid ourselves of superficial preferences that don't raise kids, pay bills, or show respect. And we must stop dismissing men thinking, "no thanks to a prayer point" if he's not perfect because it's showing you're not ready for the intense warfare that can come with marriage. If only we'd learn to offer grace! Many men today come from single parent homes as well. We take pride in going to therapy, admitting we have daddy issues and abandonment issues, and then expect men to just "man up."
If you're going to venture out onto the dating scene, it's OK to whisper a simple prayer. That doesn't mean go deep into asking God "is this my husband?" Chill, sis. But Jeremiah 33:3 does say we can ask Him and He'll reveal to us remarkable secrets about things that we can't see. He wants you to be enlightened! So God may say "be a friend" or "teach him" or to simply help him with something. Men have a duty to choose wisely as well. They must realize that women are to be the helpmate. Because a woman's looks won't raise kids or make wise investments. A man should have something already established and the woman is to help. I spoke recently on how the number one way to get a spouse in the Bible was seemingly have a job. Work!
Adam had a whole garden he was in charge of. Rachel was at the well. Rebekah was at the well. David was supposed to be at work, and we see how that ended... Ruth was gleaning the fields.
It's time to get busy!
Ladies, understand that men are wired differently. The size of a man's ego is equivalent to the size of a woman's heart. If he feels as if he's not needed, he may not want to stick around. Of course this isn't one size fits all, however a godly man has it in him to provide and protect. Being an independent woman won't get you far in the dating world.
Remember that dating is too be fun. It's nothing but an unofficial screening process. Don't ask a million questions up front. Know how to decipher and detect without making it an actual interview. Men are always talking. We just don't listen well. By date 3, make a decision. If you're someone who knows the Lord, knows your "why" as far as marriage is concerned, and knows yourself, you'll know if a person is worth it. Know your "why" and the "who" will be easy. The main key is to become the woman that the man you're looking for is looking for. Be honest. Know your purpose. We always say "date with a purpose" but you must know what that purpose even is. It doesn't take 4 seasons, a road trip, or a vacation to know if someone is a good fit for you or not. And don't go into it looking and waiting for the ball to drop. A big issue is dating for potential or missing it altogether.
Also, never be afraid to ask "what is this? What are we doing?" Find your voice now or there will be problems finding it after marriage. And always remember, men hunt but women snap twigs. You can make your presence known without being desperate. Saying you're hidden because you truly believe men are to "find" as in Proverbs 18:22 is a no go. Either you want to be on the scene or you don't. All in all, have fun. Be willing to change with the times. Doesn't mean adjust your standards or boundaries. The biggest issue with dating today is blaming "dating today" on why you're still single. Keep Christ at the center. Guard your heart. RELAX!